Today marks the first day of Navratri, the Hindu holiday celebrating the divine goddess. The festival lasts for 9 nights, broken into 3 sets, each honoring a different aspect of the goddess. During the first 3 days, we honor the goddess Kali. Often known as the goddess of destruction, I love Kali because she represents death and rebirth and the constant cycle of transformation we undergo as humans.
As I continue stepping into this new way of being - more authentic, more vulnerable - and I pursue a chosen life, chasing after my dreams, I have been coming up against my own insecurities. The "not good enough" story keeps playing over and over in my head. I find myself worrying about what others will think, getting nervous and un-centered to the point that it's even affecting my driving (I may or may not have parked 10 feet from the gas pump yesterday). I thought I conquered all this already, I keep thinking.
Last night I did a very powerful tapping (EFT) circle where I had huge breakthroughs about these insecurities, where they come from, and why I am keeping them around. I focused on my relationship and quickly saw how my behavior in my relationship relates to all other areas of my life. I learned that I'm afraid of truly being happy, and I hold a limiting belief that I can't have it all. Through my work, I could see how I create issues and distractions in my life to prevent myself from having what I desire. It sounds crazy, but as I began to examine it, I began to recognize how much this pattern plays out in my life.
Through this intense work, I am learning to be gentle and patient with myself. To fully accept what is showing up for me (even when I don't like it!), knowing that resistance will only make it worse. Today, in honor of the first day of Navratri, I invite you to join me in a ritual to begin accepting all of the things in our lives that are hurting us and holding us back. Day 1 begins simply by meditating on those aspects of self that aren't working. I find writing in my journal helps me gain clarity and allows me to view my true feelings on paper. As you work through identifying these areas of your life, send yourself love. Repeating the mantra, "I love, honor and respect myself" can be immensely powerful.
Tomorrow we'll continue working with the themes you identify today. But for now - be patient, gentle and loving. Honor all aspects of yourself, knowing that without the darkness, we couldn't see the stars.
And for your listening pleasure, a little musical inspiration to accompany your process...