Today is the day I jump off the cliff. Spread my wings. And fly. It's been four and a half years since I joined "the best company in the world." Four and half years since I graduated college. Four and half years since I packed up my life and moved to the City by the Bay. I came with two suitcases and four boxes of books. They cost $800 to ship - a sizable chunk of my moving bonus.
I didn't know anyone in San Francisco, which didn't dawn on me until my parents left me after 10 days of moving and sightseeing. All alone in the big bad city with a 6.5 pound pup. And so the journey began.
Before I even applied for the job, my intention was: work for a big company, gain lots of experience, save lots of money, leave and change the world. I applied to Google because it was a big company that aligned with my values. I also applied because Google is "the best" and I was hellbent on people thinking I was "the best," too.
I won't go through my whole journey, but let's just say I spent four years making decisions about my career completely based on how they would appear to the outside world. I wanted to impress my parents and friends. I wanted my peers to be jealous (a nasty thing jealousy is, but admitting the truth sets us free).
All the while I knew this wasn't me. I knew what I was made for. And I was scared shitless to jump.
Fear is a funny thing. It does strange things to people. It creeps in quietly, then completely consumes you. Makes you believe it's part of who you are. I did a lot of work to see fear as separate from myself. To choose to push past it.
I had been talking about leaving Google since the day I started. I'd told myself countless times it would happen on this date, then that date. I had an experience at the Burn - some would call it mystical - where I came face-to-face with my own power. I saw it was infinite. And I saw that I was the only one holding myself back.
I began the long, arduous process of learning to love myself, fully and completely, just as I am. I began to shed pain I had caused myself. I began to let go of what everyone else thought. And I set a date - February 6. I knew I'd stick to it.
And so here we are, February 6, 2015. Two days before my half birthday. I am free as a bird.
Next week I will sit Vipassana for 10 days. It's the next step on my journey, and I am both excited and terrified. After that, I'll spend 3 months in South America - exploring cultures and people, learning a lot and getting inspired.
I feel a deep calling in my heart to create my own company, focused on the growth and development of others. I dream of creating a new business model that permanently alters the way companies work in the future. And I commit to be of service to others through the work that I do.
I'm going to transform the world. I invite you to join me.